I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
