i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
