Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
