One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
