Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
