Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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