I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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