I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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