She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
