my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
