dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
