Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
