Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
