i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
