Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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