apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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