john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
nutella sex= disaster
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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