There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
