For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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