He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
