I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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