new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm passing your future prison.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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