She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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