He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
