I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
