Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
