You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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