Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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