I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
