my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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