not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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