White coat. Heels.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
