On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
