She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
