god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
