whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sorry about my life...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
