she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
