No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think i have herpe
just one?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When are your genitals available?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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