He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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