I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
