We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
