So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
