The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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