Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
