so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
