Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
