i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
