Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
