Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
