It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
