Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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