i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
